2008. W00t. Doesn't really feel any different than last year.

I'm messed up. After I broke up with my ex, I made a little agreement with myself to stay away from boys for a while. I figured that so far, they've only been trouble, so let's just try not to fall for anyone new. As if.
There is this boy. He is two years older than me, and he is HAWT. And cute. And really, really nice. And he's a folk dancer! And I kinda had a tiny crush on him back before I hooked up with the guy I've now broken up with. And now I kinda have a crush on him again. Only it's not so teeny-tiny anymore. It's not serious, not at all, but it exists. Which it shouldn't. Boys are trouble for me. Everything always goes to hell with "love". Plus, it's only, like, a month or something since me and my ex broke up. Isn't it to soon for me too be over him completely? I feel kinda guilt.
But, on the "bright" side; the boy I have a crush on now is (most likely) waaaaaaaaay out of reach. So it's really nothing to worry about. I think I'm just gonna enjoy liking someone without having to worry about anything stupid happening. Cause as long as things stay like this - my little crush not being too important, him being out of reach - it won't really do any harm.

Back to school today. Awesome! I love my school. I love my friends. I love the whole feeling of being there, and knowing that most of the people I see are amazing.

There were lots of other shit I was planning on writing about, but I've forgotten. Shit happens, I guess.

We broke up. I feel bad for him. He doesn't deserve to get his heart broken, but on the other hand it was definitely the right thing for me. I feel kinda weird now. I'm not sad, I'm actually a bit relieved, but I feel kinda guilty too.

I don't know if I'm in love with him or not. Or rather, I don't think I'm in love, but I used to think I was, and I think maybe a part of me is still hoping for that feeling to come back. Right now, I don't really feel anything, but it comes and goes. Sometimes I'm almost certain that I should break up with him, but then the next day, or even just a few hours later, I feel like we can make it work. It's kinda like... I dunno... I don't really think there is any hope for our relationship, but I don't want to throw it away. Because it's the first proper relationship I've had, and he's totally an amazing guy, and I should be... grateful. Or something.
Another thing is that I can't really get myself to believe that he's in love with me. I think that he thinks he's in love, but he doesn't really know me well enough for that feeling to be real. He's only seen one side of me, he's never seen me in a "normal" situation. I met him through dancing, and he's only seen the dancer Andrea, and the girlfriend Andrea, not the everyday Andrea. He doesn't know my friends, he doesn't know anything about how I act when I'm at school or at home or with my non-dancing friends. I have no idea whether we have anything in common except folk dance, but I have a feeling we don't.
Yet, I don't really wanna break up with him. I definitely don't want to break up over the phone, but the next time I see him is in January, and I don't want to feel this confused and messed up for four weeks. My head is just one huge "I don't know"

Alexa came over yeaterday :) It was nice. But I feel really guilty about something, cause I said to her that we'd probably be at my place at the same time, and then I came earlier than her, and I just went inside. And then she stood outside for ages and waited. I feel really, really, really bad about that. I'm sorry, Alexa.

My boyfriend's visiting this weekend. He'll be here in a few hours. I should be beside myself with joy, but I'm mostly worried. Don't know why.

I have a boyfriend <3 OMG
The downside is he lives five hours away. But I know people who have long-distance realtionships that work just fine, so I'm hoping this'll work out.

I hardly ever remember my dreams. Strange, huh? It's kinda annoying, really. Like this one time, maybe a year ago. I woke up in the middle of the night, soaking wet, I had no idea what I had dreamed, but it must have been a nightmare. I was almost in a trance. I went downstairs to go to the bathroom and it felt like seconds before I was back in my bed. The next morning my mom complained that I had run too fast down and up the stairs and woken the entire house (I probably hadn't woken anyone but her, but still...). It is one of the weirdest thing I've experienced. And the weirdest part was that I had no recollection whatsoever of any kind of dream, but waking up in the middle of the night, cold, yet sweating, with the feeling of being on the outside of one's own mind can only indicate a nightmare, right? I dunno. Point is, I wish I could remember my dreams more often.

I made myself a new LJ, I didn't like the old one. I'll write more soon, I guess.